Confused

It’s a new month and for a long time I thought that when new things occurred it meant new beginnings were in the wings. However, I’m having doubts believing that to be true anymore. No matter how I try it would appear that my life may not change the way I have envisioned it. I lost my job nearly 6 months ago and have been working hard to find a new and better one without success. The balancing of all things is a difficult task. As time continues to pass I feel more and more like a failure in my own eyes. Sometimes, I can’t even look into the mirror because all I see is someone who is letting myself and my family down. Maybe I’m just tired of trying to fight battles that I may never win.

I know that with change solid effort is a prerequisite. But, in many areas of my life I also believe that I have and continually fulfill that bill. So, why do things sometimes feel like they don’t get better on a permanent basis? Why, that’s one of my favorite questions that I often can not answer or know where to look for the answers.

My little family is all I have. Most times I feel like the only person that has ever cared is my wife. But, both daughter and wife are the most important people in this whole wide world to me. They always will be and are going to be forever loved by me, no matter what the future brings. It’s hard sometimes, no I guess most times; for me to adequately express things I think about in a way that does not confuse them or royally make them angry. This world is a tough place and it’s even tougher to develop and maintain great relationships. I guess I don't do that very well either.

Perhaps one day, I will be able to satisfactorily express what I want and need to say to them when we talk without anyone being confused. Though I wonder if they ever truely like hearing what I think about things and my hopes for the future. In the meantime, I’ll just go on working at trying to find a new job and continue to take care of all my responsibilities like I have for so long.